My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
