If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
