I heard we made out
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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