Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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