He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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