she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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