Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
