Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
