like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
