her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
