Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
