I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
