Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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