The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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