Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
