if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
