dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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