hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
