She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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