moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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