yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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