walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
