I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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