I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
