I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
