Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
