Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
