go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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