in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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