this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
