i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
