I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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