he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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