Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
