Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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