i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
