My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
