I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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