My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
