if you like me you must not know who I am
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
