Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
