It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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