She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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