Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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