I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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