so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
