She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
