OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
