I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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