For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
