All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
