You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
