I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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