these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn victory sex feels great
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
