playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Vodka?
Forever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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