hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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