So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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