just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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