Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
