the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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