Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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