I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
