i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
