I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
