I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
