He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
