Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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