Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
