Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
