there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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