my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
