I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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