I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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