Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
