I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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