My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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